Satire from the Slog and news from Greece......

http://hat4uk.wordpress.com/2012/04/23/sketch-big-new-eurozone-idea-from-olli-rehn/

SKETCH: Big new Eurozone idea from Olli Rehn

Olli demontrates planned hand to mouth trajectory for eurozone

Following Christine Lagarde’s huge success at the IMF in leveraging $165bn of pledges into $430bn in cash last week, Olli Rehn lashed out this morning at those who say the Eurocrats lack creativity.

“You see as all as boring, vain functionaries,” he observed with uncanny accuracy, “But we are beginning to get into our strides now. For when the tough get going, the going gets tough. I am here today to announce that the eurozone problem is solved once and for ever.”

What followed was nothing more than remarkable.

Mr Rehn announced a bold scheme to radically alter the shape and relative success of the eurozone countries.

“The answer is one of leveraging potential and changing direction,” he continued, “Like all brilliant ideas, it is simple. As always in the end, simple minds produce the best solutions.”Olli miscalculates mouth trajectory (A) and proceeds to cuckoo cloud (B)

First, leveraging. Olli Rehn explained that the debt of Spain would be leveraged backwards, and become a surplus in Germany. The Germans would then work very hard for a year, double the surplus, and hand it back to Spain. Similarly, the Greek bonds exchanged during March would be leveraged into Bundesbonds, create a huge rush of buying from the market, thus producing a mountain of cash – which would then be exported to France in orer to stop its banks from falling over before the second round of Presidential elections.

“Portugal will in turn be leveraged into Holland,” he said, warming to the theme as his words were interpersed with flecks of spittle and short giggles, “and the Dutch debt will be converted into Sterling at a leveraged exchange rate of one euro per five Pounds. This will then obliterate the Netherlands debt and f**k the British, who will be forced to join the all-conquering euro in order to survive hahahahahahahahahaha.”

Some of the American journalists shifted uneasily in their seats, but eurozone reporters applauded wildly as Mr Rehn showed detailed plans for the invasion of South Ossetia and the assassination of Francois Holland. His jacket was then leveraged by two assistants until it was facing in the opposite direction, after which he was led away to shouts from the Financial Times euro correspondent of “Three cheers for Mr Rehn”.

Related, in a vaguely sane way: The oddly reproductive mathematics of Christine Largin’it

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News bites @ 10

by Damian Mac Con Uladh 23 Apr 2012

New Democracy leader Antonis Samaras delivers his speech during a pre-election rally at the Zappeio Mansion, Athens, 22 April 2012 (Reuters) 1. SAMARAS PROMISES New Democracy leader Antonis Samaras promised on Sunday to cut taxes and increase social spending, without missing the targets set by international lenders, if he wins the May 6 national election. "Our economic plan's priorities are growth and recovery," he told an assembly of party MPs and candidates at the Zappeio Mansion. "Without growth the economy will collapse." He added the bailout terms underestimated the severity of the recession in Greece. 2. VENIZELOS ATTACKS Expectedly, Samaras’ speech failed to impress the Pasok leader. Speaking after the ND chief presented his party’s grand economic plan, Evangelos Venizelos accused Samaras of “selling illusions”, noting that he has lied on a great number of things, while promising policies that are already in motion. “Mr Samaras wants to support those who took their money out of the country an easy way out, at a time when we are looking to protect those of us receiving low income and small pensions. It also a matter of morality. We are telling those Greeks that left some 170bn euros in Greek banks that they have been stupid”, said Venizelos, who also lambasted the front-row presence of former prime minister Kostas Karamanlis at the ND event. 3. MEMORANDUM OR DEMOCRACY What is at stake in the forthcoming elections is the dilemma between memorandum or democracy, the leader of the Radical Left Coalition (Syriza) said on Sunday. Speaking in Crete, Alexis Tsipras accused the ND and Pasok leaders of attempting to conceal the truth from voters on the new austerity measures that will follow the elections. Tsipras said that if the second memorandum is implemented, he greatly fears that Greece will find itself outside the euro and the EU. 4. NO SHORTAGE OF PARTIES Some are only too familiar, while others sport fantastical and unwieldy names; some are leftist, others are monarchist or even neofascist: they are among the 36 political parties, coalitions and groups of independent candidates that have applied to contest the forthcoming election. Not all will be allowed to run, as the Supreme Court will decide by Wednesday which parties are legally constituted. We have the full list with links to Wikipedia articles (or party websites, if they are in English) for most of them. You decide! 5. FRENCH ELECTIONS Venizelos is obviously hoping that some of Francois Hollande's Gallic success will rub off on him. The Pasok leader was all praise for his French socialist counterpart, who topped the poll in the first round of the French presidential election. Venizelos expressed his "great satisfaction" at the result. “The omens for the victory of Francois Hollande in the second round and the election to the presidency of the republic are now very strong,” Venizelos said. “I wish him a great European-wide level victory in the second round, the day on which the our elections will also be taking place." 6. GENOCIDES REMEMBERED The six million Jewish victims – among them 67,000 Greek Jews – of Nazi barbarity were remembered at a ceremony in Thessaloniki on Sunday, by the lighting of six candles by Holocaust survivors at the city’s synagogue. 50,000 Jews from Thessaloniki alone who were murdered by the Nazis after they were deported from the city in 1943. Meanwhile, in Athens on Sunday the Armenian genocide at the hands of the Young Turk government in 1915 was remembered at an event at the War Museum that was attended by the culture minister, Pavlos Yeroulanos; political, local government, army and church leaders; and diplomatic representatives. The event concluded with a procession to parliament and the laying of wreaths at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. 7. RELICS SNATCHED Two youths have been arrested over the theft of part of the remains of Saint George, as well as a Gospel and a cross, from the Agios Georgios church (Rotonda) in central Thessaloniki. Police say the pair hoped to selling the valuable relic case, in which the remains were kept, and the other two items. By the time they were arrested, the gospel and cross had been sold. The saint’s relics, together with the metallic clasp from the relic case, were found in the possession of one of them. 8. MAJOR BURGLARY Two masked burglars made off with 25,000 euros and other valuables from a three-storey home in the coastal town of Nea Makri, in Attica. The burglars entered the house from an unlocked balcony door, held the owner at gunpoint and took the money and valuables from a safe before fleeing. Police are investigating. 9. SUPERLEAGUE Panaitolikos and Ergotelis were relegated from the Superleague on Sunday after both suffered heavy defeats in the final round of matches. Panaitolikos, who gave themselves a fighting chance of survival with a 5-1 hammering of Aris in midweek, were demolished 4-0 by a rampant Panathinaikos at the Olympic stadium. Cretan club Ergotelis' fate was sealed after they went down to a disappointing 4-2 defeat at Xanthi. The results meant Panaitolikos finished in 15th place after collecting 28 points from 30 matches while Ergotelis ended up in 14th with 29 points as they joined basement club Doxa Drama in dropping out of the top flight. and..... 'Only Pasok can lead country through memorandum' by Makis Papasimakopoulos 23 Apr 2012 Evangelos Venizelos fired a salvo at New Democracy leader Antonis Samaras, accusing him among other things of lying to the Greek people. (file photo) Pasok leader Evangelos Venizelos had plenty of harsh words for his main political adversary, Antonis Samaras on Sunday. Speaking after the New Democracy chief presented his party’s grand plan for the Greek post-electional landscape, Venizelos accused Samaras of “selling illusions”, noting that he has lied on a great number of things, while promising policies that are already in motion. “Mr Samaras wants to support those who took their money out of the country an easy way out, at a time when we are looking to protect those of us receiving low income and small pensions. It also a matter of morality. We are telling those Greeks that left some 170 billion euros in Greek banks, that they have been stupid”, Venizelos said. He also criticised the New Democracy head for the presence of former Prime Minister Kostas Karamanlis in the first seated row, during his speech on Sunday. “He did not have a single word to level against his own party about what went on, when they were in power, he only has harsh words for Pasok,” he said. On the subject of a stand-alone government, a matter which has been heavily stressed by Samaras, Venizelos was equally aggressive: “Good! Let him come and take over then and let him see how it is! Greece does not trust New Democracy to rule on its own. They do not trust any party on its own and that is the bottom line. Greece demands co-operation”. Venizelos was a critical of his adversary and his stance concerning a televised debate, saying that Samaras was avoiding the notion “like the plague” and reiterated his party’s proposal for an on-screen meeting of the two men. He concluded by stressing that only Pasok can guarantee Greece a safe passage through the memorandum and said that the country needed honesty and a new contract of “honour and truth” in order to move forward. and... Greek 2011 deficit at 9.1 pct of GDP Greece's budget deficit reached 9.1 percent of gross domestic product (GDP) last year, in line with expectations, compared to a downwardly revised shortfall of 10.3 percent in 2010, the country's statistics service ELSTAT said on Monday. "According to provisional data, the deficit of the general government, as measured under the excessive deficit procedure (EDP) is estimated at 19.6 billion euros or 9.1 percent of GDP,» ELSTAT said. Greece has shrunk its budget gap from 15.8 percent of GDP in 2009 on the back of income and property tax increases, a rise in the value added tax and cuts in wages and pensions. But its primary balance, which excludes debt servicing costs, remains in deficit mode due to a deep recession. [Reuters] and.... Europe pressed for action to end debt crisis  Finance ministers and central bank governors pose for a family photo before the International Monetary and Financial Committee (IMFC) meeting during the spring IMF-World Bank meetings in Washington April 21. By Gernot Heller & Glenn Somerville WASHINGTON -- Global finance chiefs pressed Europe in weekend talks to quickly put in place the economic reforms needed to finally extinguish its debt crisis now that newly increased financial buffers have bought some precious time. A day after advanced and emerging countries agreed to double the firepower of the International Monetary Fund to help contain the crisis, the IMF's governing panel said on Saturday that the 17-nation euro area must cut government debt burdens further, push bold economic reforms and stabilize financial systems. Debt problems will resurface and growth will stumble unless these steps are taken, the head of the IMF's governing panel, Singapore's finance minister, Tharman Shanmugaratnam, warned. An uneasy calm returned to world financial markets after the Greek crisis subsided but the IMF is concerned that without strong action fresh tensions will erupt, sapping global growth. The IMF panel said all advanced economies needed plans to rein in deficits, but it singled out the eurozone as crucial to revitalizing strong growth. The euro area, the world's second-largest economic bloc, already has slipped into a mild recession, weakening its major export partner China and other parts of emerging Asia, while growth in the United States remains sluggish. Unless stronger growth is restored and investor confidence returns, the IMF and finance chiefs from around the globe said the world will not break out of a vicious debt-driven cycle. "What was really critical in all our minds was to get back to normal growth over the medium term and preferably sooner rather than later, in other words within two to three years,» Tharman said at a news conference on Saturday. "If we don't get back to normal growth, if we don't get GDP back to its potential levels, then fiscal sustainability is not possible either,» he warned. The Group of 20 developed and emerging nations on Friday agreed to provide the IMF with a further $430 billion, more than doubling its lending power to erect a higher firewall in case the eurozone's debt crisis spreads. That complements a $1 trillion fire-fighting fund being assembled by Europe. "If the time that liquidity can buy is used to address the growth, solvency and institutional problems, fine,» economists at Morgan Stanley wrote. They worried, however, that policy-making complacency might set in. Political developments are clouding the picture. In France, a presidential election could bring to power Socialist Francois Hollande, who has vowed to renegotiate a German-inspired budget discipline treaty. Support for the pact is also waning in the Netherlands, where budget talks collapsed on Saturday. The United States piled the pressure on Europe to take advantage of its newly won breathing space. "The success of the next phase of the crisis response will hinge on Europe's willingness and ability, together with the European Central Bank, to apply its tools ... aggressively to support countries as they implement reforms,» US Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner told the IMF's panel. But in what participants said was an intense discussion, Germany pointed the finger back at the United States, the world's largest economy. US fiscal troubles may reach the boiling point at year's end when expiring tax cuts and plans for deep budget cuts could throw the economy into recession. Despite the need for action, a US presidential election in November has resulted in political stalemate. "We understand the political constraints but there is no way around it and there is urgency,» said German Finance Minister Wolfgang Schaeuble. But it was Europe that the IMF panel singled out for policy advice. It stressed that budget consolidation must be balanced to avoid overly harsh cuts that undermine growth and make deficits even worse - a tricky act that Italy and Spain currently are facing. "There has been a big discussion about how to make it possible to have fiscal strengthening and growth,» said Italy's deputy finance minister, Vittorio Grilli. While the timing matters, fiscal tightening must come first, he said. The panel, made up of finance ministers who advise the IMF on policy, called upon major central banks to help by keeping interest rates low and monetary stimulus in place, as long as growth remains weak and inflation under control. A call by the IMF for lower eurozone interest rates, however, met resistance from some ECB policymakers in Washington. Germany in particular is concerned that loose monetary policy will stir inflation, and argued it is no panacea for budgetary woes. The IMF committee called on its members to ratify «expeditiously» a 2010 plan to increase representation of emerging economies on the IMF's executive board, reflecting their growing clout in the world economy. Brazil said this was an essential condition for it to provide the IMF funding. But voting reforms are unlikely to get approved by the IMF's October meetings because of the highly partisan climate in Washington and the need for US congressional approval. "I did not hear any clear announcement from the US that they will be able to deliver,» Schaeuble said. Britain said its $15 billion contribution would only become available once the 2010 IMF reforms were completed. [Reuters]